Episode #462 – Marit Chervier-de Ruiter

We dig into the critical differences between negotiation strategy and tactics, Marit shares game-changing tips for high-stakes negotiations, and how to cultivate stronger, more collaborative relationships with clients. She also shares her top dos and don’ts in negotiation and offers a real-world example of navigating a challenging deal with grace and success.

Outline of This Episode

• [00:00] Build value step-by-step in negotiations to create stronger long-term relationships
• [05:33] Know your audience, predict reactions, and stay agile
• [06:48] Choose negotiation strategy based on relationship: competitive for one-off deals, collaborative for long-term relationships.
• [12:03] Be cautious about sharing too much information in negotiations to prevent the other party from using it against you
• [10:13] Marit’s top three negotiation dos and don’ts 
• [13:44] A real-life scenario where Marit’s informal strategy resets the negotiation tone

Strategies and Tactics for High-Stakes Sales

Your strategy is your overall plan: the “why” and “what” behind your negotiations. It’s about defining your end goal and determining the outcomes you hope to achieve. Tactics, on the other hand, are the practical steps and techniques you employ during the negotiation—the “how” that helps implement your strategy.

Marit brilliantly uses the analogy of the board game Risk. Your strategy might be to conquer the most territories in Asia, but your specific moves—where to place armies, which battles to pick—constitute your tactics. This symbiotic relationship between strategy and tactics is at the heart of effective negotiation.

Incremental Value Creation as a Powerful Negotiation Strategy

When entering high-stakes deals, Marit’s go-to strategy is incremental value creation. Rather than rushing in to claim as much as possible, she advocates for building value collaboratively and step by step. This approach aims to expand the “pie” for all involved, rather than fighting for the largest slice of a smaller one.

Incremental value creation doesn’t just lead to higher deal outcomes—it also lays the groundwork for strong, long-term relationships. As Marit notes, being able to foster trust and collaboration through this approach is just as important as the immediate value of the deal itself.

Tactics for Gaining Leverage in Complex Deals

Marit’s experience has equipped her with three favorite negotiation tactics that consistently deliver results:

• Giver’s Gain & Reciprocity: By giving value upfront, you trigger the powerful psychological principle of reciprocity. When you offer something, the other side is often compelled—sometimes unconsciously—to give in return.
• The Power of Silence: Marit emphasizes that listening is critical. Silence can be uncomfortable, leading others to fill the gap with information. The insights gained from simply listening can be incredibly valuable in steering negotiations.
• Never Go Alone: In high-stakes negotiations, going as a team allows you to multitask during meetings—you can observe nonverbal clues, take notes, listen attentively, and strategize in real time. Solo negotiators simply can’t do it all; teamwork is a tactical advantage.

Collaborative vs. Competitive Approaches

Marit highlights the importance of tailoring your negotiation strategy to the context. If you’re pursuing a one-time transaction, a more competitive stance may suffice. But if you’re aiming for a long-term relationship, collaboration and value creation take precedence.

However, what if your counterpart takes a competitive approach despite your collaborative intentions? Marit’s advice: acknowledge the approach, reset the tone, and strive to steer the discussion toward shared value rather than mere positional bargaining.

Marit wraps up the episode with a real-world example: facing a key client who violated a contract but remained strategically vital. Instead of severing ties, her team reset the relationship through informal conversation before formal negotiation, split roles as “good cop, bad cop,” and found a mutually acceptable solution. The outcome? A salvaged relationship and a creative, trust-based agreement.

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Learn More About Marit Chervier-de Ruiter

1. What was a pivotal moment in your career that shaped your approach to negotiation, and how did it influence your strategy and tactics? 

Early in my career, I was under time pressure, I rushed through a client meeting to close a deal without realizing I had more leverage than I thought. I didn’t negotiate—I just accepted. The deal went through, but I walked away quite frustrated. That moment changed everything. Since then, I always prepare strategically, assess power dynamics, and look for value on both sides.

2. Can you share a specific negotiation tactic that has consistently helped you close deals more effectively? Please provide an example where it worked. 

One tactic that I consistently apply is active listening—genuinely adapting my position and approach to value creation based on the other party’s priorities. By focusing on the relationship first, I build trust early on. That trust often leads the other party to open up, which gives me the insights I need to guide the negotiation toward my objectives—without needing to push too much.

3. What is the most challenging negotiation you’ve ever faced, and what strategy or tactic helped you turn it into a win? 

One of the toughest was the renewal with a client who had breached the agreement by diverting products. Tension was high—we had the power, but they had valuable market expertise.

Our strategy was to preserve the relationship while still holding them accountable. 

Tactically, we:

• Opened with an informal lunch to ease tension.
• Used a good cop/bad cop role split.

4. What are your top three must-have tools, frameworks, or resources that sales professionals should use to improve their negotiation skills? 

1. Practice constantly, even outside of real negotiations—role plays are a powerful tool (and yes, you can even use AI for this).
2. After each negotiation, run a Start–Stop–Continue analysis: what worked, what didn’t, and why?
3. Keep learning. Read, observe, debrief. Negotiation is a skill that sharpens with intention.

5. With buyer behaviors evolving and AI playing a larger role in sales, how do you see negotiation strategies and tactics changing in the future? What should sales professionals do to stay ahead? 

Use AI to prepare—simulate scenarios, rehearse objections, refine your approach.

But what will truly differentiate you is your human connection. Show your buyers that you understand them. Emotional intelligence, empathy, and adaptability will only become more valuable.

6. What’s are some simple but powerful negotiation tactics that most salespeople overlook? 

Slow down, don’t rush through, use silence and listen – Most people feel the need to fill every gap, but silence creates space—and that often leads the other party to reveal something valuable; information you may be able to use during your negotiation.