Episode #455: Nicole Soames
Meet
Nicole Soames
Nicole Soames is a highly qualified coach, commercial skills trainer, and emotional intelligence practitioner with over 30 years of experience. She founded Diadem in 2009, helping thousands develop expertise in sales, negotiation, leadership, and more. A best-selling author and thought leader, Nicole regularly contributes to top publications and speaks at global events. www.nicolesoamesbooks.com
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According to experienced coach and emotional intelligence expert Nicole Soames, founder and CEO of Diadem, ambition is the strategy that helps people get the most out of their negotiations.
Nicole joins Paul on the show to unravel the complexities of negotiation and explore everything from the critical differences between strategy and tactics to practical ways to prepare and plan for high-stakes deals.
With over 30 years of experience, Nicole shares her expert insights on maintaining emotional intelligence, the power of ambition in negotiations, and how to effectively navigate and counter those challenging tactics often used by professional buyers. Tune in to this episode if you’re ready to revolutionize how you approach negotiation conversations.
Outline of This Episode
- (00:00) Understanding Negotiation Strategy Dynamics
- (05:04) Ambition is the Key to Successful Negotiations
- (07:52) Negotiation Strategy: Anticipate and Balance
- (11:16) Effective Negotiation Planning Tips
- (13:44) Emotional Intelligence in Sales
- (17:48) Tactical Negotiation Awareness
- (19:41) Negotiation Tactics, Including Spot and Deflect
- (23:32) Everyday Negotiations Build Skill
Fail to Prepare, Prepare to Fail
Successful negotiation starts with robust preparation, which involves recognizing your strengths, anticipating potential challenges, and developing responses to anticipated tactics from the opposing party.
But planning isn’t just about sticking rigidly to a script; flexibility plays a crucial role. As negotiations unfold, unexpected elements are bound to pop up, so it’s essential to understand how to adapt and adjust the plans effectively. With a solid preparation base, negotiators are able to reduce the risk of deadlocks and pave the way for mutually beneficial outcomes.
Emotional Intelligence in Negotiations
Nicole emphasizes that incorporating emotional intelligence into negotiations is not optional but essential, especially for enduring business relationships. Emotional intelligence creates an environment where both parties feel like winners and builds positivity and sustainability in relationships. The emotional imprint of negotiation often overshadows the specifics of the transaction, making it imperative to manage how each party feels throughout the process.
Strategies for Complex Sales Negotiations
Nicole Soames recommends three fundamentals for managing negotiations:
- Get Your Head in the Right Place: Find your stretch zone and remind yourself what you need from this negotiation. Be your own inner coach, get yourself psyched up for this conversation, and remind yourself of all the things that go for you, not those that go against you.
- Plan for Their Curveball: Anticipate what the other person will do to unnerve you, unsettle you, and put you on the back foot. If you plan for these things and consider the best way to respond, you are setting yourself up for success.
- Plan for a Two-Sided Conversation: It’s much more emotionally intelligent to consider your priorities and what you’re prepared to concede on. Keep a mental list of things that are lower priorities for you that you can use to get them to say yes to the things on your wishlist.
Building Negotiation Fitness for Everyday Wins
Nicole also advocates for nurturing negotiation skills in everyday environments. Whether negotiating over small family matters or friendly debates, consistently practicing negotiation sharpens your skills, preparing you for more formal discussions in a professional setting. The beauty of practicing negotiation in daily life is that it builds “negotiation fitness.”
Much like any other skill, negotiation improves with consistent practice. By regularly trying out small-scale negotiations, you get more comfortable with the process. This helps you to think on your feet, respond to unexpected challenges, and maintain your composure under pressure, which are all vital skills for more formal negotiations.
Everyday practice fosters a negotiation mindset that slowly becomes second nature, which serves as a robust foundation for tackling larger, more complex negotiations. Approaching each negotiation as not just a transaction but as the beginning of a constructive relationship changes the outcome, allowing negotiators to craft agreements rooted in mutual respect and understanding.
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What was a pivotal moment in your career that shaped your approach to negotiation, and how did it influence your strategy and tactics?
It was early on in my career when I was working for Unilever. I was responsible for the £multi-million relationship for Birds Eye’s business with Retailers like Tesco and Waitrose. I was ill-equipped to deal with the other side. I’d been trained by theorists to take emotion out of the equation and to see negotiation as a process. When in fact negotiation is all about communication and building relationships. The irony was that I was selling beef burgers & chicken dippers but I was actually the lamb to the slaughter! My eureka moment came when I worked out that combining EQ with how to negotiate could make a seismic difference to these relationships and my commercial performance. I retrained as a coach and founded Diadem Performance in 2009 to help other people harness the power of EQ to negotiate the outcome they deserve. I’m proud to say this training approach has delivered fantastic results for hundreds of people all over the world.
Can you share a specific negotiation tactic that has consistently helped you close deals more effectively? Please provide an example where it worked.
In my experience, trading plays an incredibly important role in helping close deals. Your goal is to find an overlapping position for both parties by bringing different variables to the table to broaden the deal and avoid deadlock. It’s about taking a balanced approach with both sides feeling like equals in the conversation. Preparation here is key. You need to prepare exactly what you want and what you are prepared to offer in return. The more variables you bring to the table, the more fruitful the negotiation will be and the more likely you are to close the deal. A great example of this was during a salary negotiation, I was able to secure the pay increase I wanted by offering to take on more internal coaching in return.
What is the most challenging negotiation you’ve ever faced, and what strategy or tactic helped you turn it into a win?
A couple of examples immediately come to mind where I’ve been on the receiving end of hostile or underhand tactics. I call this negotiating gameplay – it’s the unfair use of tactics designed to put you on the back foot or undermine your position. Sometimes people don’t even know they are doing it. Other times it’s deliberate and they are trying to shift the balance of power Examples I’ve experienced are being given the silent treatment, physical intimidation, unreasonable time pressure or being compared unfavourably to competitors. In reality we all know we’re going to get curve balls – the key thing is to respond not to react to them. The strategy I take is to recognise the tactic for what it is, let the other party know I’ve seen it by calling it out, then I make sure I manage the mood and move the conversation on. I generally try to use humour to call out the tactics as this can diffuse the situation. It also helps you keep the mood buoyant so you can get back to the business of getting the deal done.
What are your top three must-have tools, frameworks, or resources that sales professionals should use to improve their negotiation skills?
My best-selling book The Negotiation Book is a fantastic resource packed with practical tools and techniques to help you master the art of negotiation. In Chapter two I explain the importance of recognising your own communication style and that of your counterpart’s using the DISC model. You’ll learn how to flex you communication style so you can find common ground and balance the playing field. I also explain the four levels of listening and why master negotiators draw on their EQ to actively listen so they can process what the other person is saying live and in the moment. This is key to helping you trade effectively and control the negotiation conversation.
With buyer behaviors evolving and AI playing a larger role in sales, how do you see negotiation strategies and tactics changing in the future? What should sales professionals do to stay ahead?
In the age of AI, sales professionals with highly developed emotional intelligence skills will be valued more than ever. AI still struggles with recognising and responding to human emotions. Emotions shape our behaviour, our relationships and our decision making. This is critical in negotiation. Going forward sales professionals that want to stand out from the competition need to embrace the benefits that AI can bring (in terms of number-crunching and data) and combine this with the power of EQ by meeting face-to-face to build meaningful relationships that set you up for negotiating success. It’s very difficult to build relationships and understand the needs of the other party over email/ WhatsApp so try to skype as a minimum. Keep honing your EQ skills on a daily basis by adopting the principle of plan, do and review each and every time you negotiate.
What’s are some simple but powerful negotiation tactics that most salespeople overlook?
People often ask me who’s the toughest negotiator to deal with, and the answer is yourself. We can be our own worst enemy – backing ourselves into a corner before we even begin to negotiate. A powerful technique to help you adopt a winning mindset before every negotiation is to remind yourself what’s great about you, your product/service, your company and your relationship with the other party. You then need to challenge yourself to be ambitious throughout the negotiation. Ambition is everything – most people will be ambitious at the start and then it waivers. The more ambitious you are, the better the results. Remember you should expect a no to your opening offer. Challenge yourself to ask for more. You need your commercial acumen to find what’s the highest believable position – the top end of your happy zone. Contrary to popular belief, don’t prepare your walkaway position as you’re more likely to end up there if you do.
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